Buying a house? Here’s five things that may happen to you.
1. HOUSE HUNTERS IS A GATEWAY DRUG. You may start obsessing over HGTV. I have become addicted to HGTV, and I find that when I nosily listen in on conversations at Starbucks I have much in common with middle-aged women who are likely soccer moms. I intend to become an expert on all things house, and my first project in our new home, after cracking open the bottle of wine and setting up the air mattress, was to remove the unsightly popcorn from my ceiling. It literally looks like there are whole handfuls of Mr. Redenbacher’s finest glued onto our beautiful vaulted ceilings. However, I shall meet these challenges with the energy of a DIY television star, who incidentally, happen to be my new heroes.
2. ONE HOUR MINUS COMMERCIALS. You may start a home improvement project that will take you weeks to finish. Yes, we started de-popcorning with a vengence, but then furniture came, Thanksgiving came, new episodes of House Hunters came, blah blah blah. There’s always something, and so our master bedroom ceiling remains unpainted for now. It really does take much longer than that one hour HGTV show.
3. FORWARDING ADDRESS TO MURPHY. Your garbage disposal may explode, leaving your kitchen a smelly wet mess. Or you may have to buy a new washing machine or dryer. Or both. Adventures in home ownership means replacing things that are broken. Buying a new washing machine can be kind of fun. Waiting for a plumber to come for two days so you can properly wash your dishes while your kitchen smells like rotting curry is not. Life in your own house has its joys and sorrows.
4. PLEASE WON’T YOU BE… You may realize that you have “those” neighbors. I haven’t met them yet, but nosy me loves glimpsing our next-door neighbors. One side has an immaculate yard that I admire from afar, and the other has five cars in the driveway and puts their trash on the curb four days before garbage day. This has led me to realize that there are two types of neighbors, those who are annoyed because your yard is a sloppy mess, or those who don’t know or care that their yard is a sloppy mess. It has yet to be determined which type of neighbor I am. Probably an awesome one.
5. AN INVITATION. You may, with glee, invite everybody and their brother over to your house for next year’s Thanksgiving. We spent Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday, with our families for the first time in many years. It was wonderful to be home, and I was so excited at the prospect of my parents, my cousins, my in-laws and my friends spending Thanksgiving at our home next year. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday because at my parent’s house we always had a ton of food, family, goofing off, sleeping, card-playing and general merriment while we all sat around and stuffed ourselves. I look forward to having the same at my own home, a place that is already wonderful because it is the first place we can truly call our own. Look for your invitation, or just stop by. There will be food.